Making Friend Made Easy

Hello again

There's a very famous self help book called 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie published I believe in the 1930s.

However the problem of "winning friends" is not an issue of the last century but one that affects every generation. In today's fast paced world, people often don't even have time to make real friendships often relying instead on "cyber friendships" such as those on social media like Facebook and Twitter.

But with a vastly more disparate society and a growing population of singletons through divorce and longer life span it's perhaps more important than ever that people go back to the time honoured methods of "winning friends".

I mean without friends then one risks loneliness, isolation and feelings of rejection which can lead to more serious problems such as depression, so it is worth investing time in understanding both how to make and keep friends.

So if you are having trouble making friends or indeed keeping the ones you have what are some things you can do ? After all we all have to realise that in order to make friends the onus is on us to be proactive and put ourselves "out there." Now if you are shy or in some way mildly socially phobic this will be more difficult than for someone who is a self confident extrovert. But you have to ask yourself the question what are the alternatives ? Making friends is every bit as needed as having a job or career for one'e emotional and psychological health so it is worth overcoming one's fears to put oneself about.

Here are some good "common sense" suggestions as to making friends :

1)You may have a hobby or other interest such as sport or a religious faith that would be an obvious way of getting involved and making friends. Join your local church/mosque/temple or photography club or whatever interest you have. You will know at once that you have a common interest with its members so having something to talk about won't be a problem. One of the hardest parts of forming friendships is that initial small talk with another person. If you know from the start that you have something in common then it's a natural "opener".

2)Related to point number one is volunteering your time to a charity or other agency. This is particularly good if you don't have a lot of hobbies ?It may only be an hour a week but once again having an interest such as charitable work with the elderly or animal rescue will bring you into contact with like minded people and the potential for new friendships.

3)You have to realise that you will not make friends without "talking to people". Now this may be self evident but how often have we seen people attending social situations who hold themselves back and do not initiate conversation and then wonder why no body talked to them. Communication and indeed conversation is a two way process and we all have to take responsibility for initiating that if we are in a group situation. If it is your intention to make new friends you just have to 'bite the bullet' and learn how to initiate conversations. Take an interest in the other person and they will take an interest in you.

4)Learn how to make "small talk", inconsequential dialogue about nothing in particular that may lead to something more meaningful later down the line. You can practice this in your post office queue, or when you are lining up in the office canteen for lunch, just learn how to talk to the person next to you in the queue about what's in the news that day or whatever ?

5)Be aware of your physical presence and be sure to smile at the other person and make eye contact when initiating the friendship ritual. People are more likely to want to be friends if you make them feel comfortable but often due to shyness or nervousness then people forget this when starting out in the game of friendship.

6)There is a great deal of information available about "rapport building" these days. Essentially this means that you can learn to "mirror and match" another person in terms of their body language and physicality including facial expressions, tone of voice, words used etc. This is a wonderful tool for building empathy with another person and creating instant mutual respect and harmony.

There are many other things you can do to encourage friendship with another person but it is the initial "vibes" that will decide if a friendship will develop from perhaps a chance encounter. And remember that all great relationships start off the way they intend to carry on so it is worth investing time and effort in the initial friendship encounter.

If you would like some great practical steps for developing friendship in the twenty first century in the quickest possible time I highly recommend the following and good luck ! Click here.